This Is a Witch Hunt! (Sayeth the Witch Dude Grabbing the Midwife’s Ass)

The Witches of SleazeDicks is a sleeper hit that sleeps soooo much it’s starting to wonder if it’s just a depressed short film. Watch and let me know… what do YOU think?

Franken’s removal made me so mad I had to sing about it (I’m not kidding- see video above).

Sexual Harassment Training Manual Tip #1: Don’t Jerk Off On My Desk

While I support the brave women (and men) who came forth publicly with their accusations, I also think that in our zeal to rid this country of the scourge of sexual harassment, sexual molestation, sexual predation, and just plain sexISM, we’ve not only conflated all of those awful, but very distinct transgressions into a witch’s crockpot of alarmist and at times hysterical STEW, we’ve lost sight of one of the cornerstones of a free, open democracy —

INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

I’m THRILLED that the men struck down have received their long-overdue, karmic comeuppance (ain’t she a BITCH?), but at the same time, I’m disturbed by the knee-jerk, rapid removal of these men by the companies employing them. Did they fire the accused so quickly because they wanted to avoid lengthy lawsuits? Because they wanted to avoid negative “optics?”

“Hey, Gina? Before we make the call, what are the optics on this?”

Blech! “Optics.” That ubiquitous, maddening word again!

OPTICS ORANGE

“Optics,” once a rarely used minor player in political lingo and media soundbites, has quickly risen to top place in the “most overused and/or annoying” category. Part of what gave rise to the horrors of a TrumpoPOTTUSmus is our leaders’ obsession (and, yes, the media’s) with things like “OPTICS.” Too much concern with how something will “appear,” and not enough concern about what is the actual RIGHT THING TO DO.

The LeeAnn Tweeden performance in particular smacked of bullshit as soon as I saw it on CNN (Really guys? She needed to have an entire half hour devoted to her traumatizing french kiss?) The context of her claims has been TOTALLY GLOSSED OVER in our haste to nail Franken to the senatorial cross. She was performing a COMEDY SKETCH with Franken for the troops overseas with the USO. A comedy sketch in which they were SUPPOSED to kiss. It was written there in black and white. And she agreed to it.As for the so-called “salacious” photograph of Franken “grabbing her breasts?” Look closely. Look at the photo as if it were YOU being accused. He clearly is not even touching her. His left hand is hovering above the jacket and his right hand is not “grabbing” anything. It’s barely making contact with the THICK, DOWN-FILLED VEST.

Hey, have you guys seen my glasses anywhere?

If he WAS trying to “cop a feel,” then he has some pretty low expectations of what a “feel” can be. He’s also not trying to CONCEAL what he’s doing at all. Quite the opposite. He’s mugging for the camera, which (I think most comedians would agree) is known as a “bit.” Just a silly, juvenile, stupid little “bit.” I write and perform comedy for a living. I’m also a woman. And I can assure you, this (and much worse) is the kind of stuff that comics and performers of all stripes do backstage to keep ourselves SANE. To work out the jitters, to focus. To bond. To the uninitiated, I’m sure it can seem wayyyy too familiar at times. But that doesn’t make it harassment.

What the photo shows him doing was not taking place in a boardroom, or a broom closet, or an office with a secret button on the desk that lets you lock the door from the inside while your conquest is blinking. It wasn’t done within the confines of CORPORATE culture.

Most of all, I hate that she’s surfing on the media wave of other women’s VERY REAL and JUSTIFIABLE PAIN just to score partisan political points for the GOP. LeeAnn Tweeden’s half hour grandstanding on a national news network OVER A KISS is an insult to the women who actually HAVE been molested, as opposed to just being at the end of a dumb, slightly saliva-filled comedy bit.

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Mary Birdsong

Mary Birdsong

I like my words done medium-well. (Succession, Daily Show, Reno 911, Broadway) Subscribe to my YouTubes! YouTube.com/marybirdsongtv